About a year ago, I wrote the first installment of what was supposed to be a series on the Doctrine of the Holy Trinity. While working on the second, I found myself debating a Unitarian (someone who rejects the Trinity). I linked him to my article, Essential Trinity: Identity of God. To my surprise, he read it and replied, โHe doesnโt actually do what he says heโs going to do โ prove the Trinity from Scripture.โ
Wait, what?
That took me aback. Of course I did, didnโt I? I reread my article and was shocked to discover that while I addressed many heresies related to the Godhead, I hadnโt done the one thing I set out to do. What should have been a simple reminder to stay on point, revise the introduction, or reassess my goals instead felt like a devastating blow. To be fair, it was just the proverbial final straw that broke my less-than-proverbial back. Iโve barely written since.
Perfectionist
Iโm my own worst critic. As a perfectionist, I hold myself to an incredibly high standard, often creating unreasonable or even unattainable goals. When I predictably fail to meet those goals, Iโm hard on myself. Over the past year, Iโve written dozens of articlesโdozens upon dozens in various stagesโtotaling over 100,000 words. Yet, most remain unseen because I donโt feel theyโre โready,โ and Iโd rather avoid the disappointment of putting out work that feels less than professional.
Amateur
Though Iโve never been a full-time writer, Iโve done some freelance work and had articles published in newspapers. I majored in communication with a minor in journalism. I didnโt pursue journalism because, while I loved it, I wasnโt willing to move across the country to scrape by financially. I also didnโt want to deal with the anti-Christian bias that permeates traditional media. So, while I have training, Iโm not a โprofessional,โ yet I still hold myself to a nebulous and unrealistic standard, which has led to producing very little.
Motivations
I love to write, but Iโve never been able to do it just for its own sake. I need readers, feedback, and engagement. When my writing doesnโt achieve that, it feels like Iโve failed. What did I do wrong? How could it have been better? Eventually, it became easier to just not write at all. After all, if I donโt write, I canโt fail, right? But chasing validation is exhausting and makes it hard to truly excel at anything. Iโm sure my writing has suffered as a result.
No Nothing
The problem with giving up to avoid disappointment is you also avoid success and fulfillment when you succeed. While Iโve written a lot of crumby articles, there are a few I believe are truly exceptional, like The Authority of King Jesus and Embrace Immediate Abolition of Abortion. As the saying goes, you miss 100 percent of the swings you donโt take. And you donโt master something without first failing. These clichรฉs exist for a reasonโtheyโre true.
Conclusion
If youโve made it this far, thank you for sticking with me. This piece was an exercise to help me get back into writing, a bit of catharsis. Iโm not going to commit to any particular article as the next project to come out, but I am actively writing an article on the Trinity (which spurred this article), and another on the Christian Identity movement. Weโll see which one crosses the finish line first.
Soli Dei Gloria.
AI Transparency: The featured image for this post was created using generative AI in combination with my own graphic design skills. Due to cognitive disabilities, I use AI as an accessibility tool only for editing and proofreading. All content is written by me.
